Now that it’s over, can SOMEONE explain Curling?!?!?

It’s hard not to get into the pageantry and excitement of the Winter Olympics. The triumphs! The devastating losses! The tears! The drama! I loved watching it.

And then there was Curling.


I genuinely feel bad for the Curling team. I don’t think there is a more misunderstood and maligned sport at the games. I researched the sport for an exhaustive 10 minutes just to prepare for this article and I still don’t get it. It was like reading the instructions to Settlers of Catan. No one really reads them – you just get someone to teach you. Problem is, there is no one that can teach me anything about curling except the people that actually play it. And apparently, every single person who plays the game is currently in Sochi.

So I admit, I’m a bit ignorant.

I don’t know all the rules of Bobsledding, or Luge, or even Skiing, but the premise is easy enough: get to the bottom.

Figure Skating? Look pretty, do some tricks.

Hockey? Well, obviously. It’s Hockey.

But Curling? Shuffleboard on ice? With sweepers? No clue. Then throw in some mystical granite stone procured from an enchanted forest, and yeah, I’m done.

Part of the problem is that no one really explores the Curling team. I haven’t seen one highlight video that focuses on Curling. Where are the stories of sacrifice? The years of dedication? The waking up at 5AM and studying for six months in the Ukraine? Where are the stories of these people? How come Proctor and Gamble hasn’t highlighted them in their moving commercials? Were they sweeping at a young  age? Did they grow up in Century Village? Did they always know that they were going to be olympic curlers? (And is that even the right word?)

I mean, where are the parents of these athletes?

I think it’s high time to hype up the Curling Team. There needs to be some serious action on the ice. Cross the brooms or something, throw in a trick sweep, shove that stone with a dramatic flip and end in a split. Something. And maybe change up the costumes a bit so they don’t look like they’ve just beamed down off the Enterprise. Get some bling on the pants. Some sparkle on the brooms.

And since it’s brooms, why not throw in a little Nimbus 2000 action? I mean, The Curling logo looks remarkably similar to another rather complicated little sport.


I want to see little kids looking at their television screens and dreaming of Olympic Curling. I want the curling team on my cereal box. I want one of the sweepers to fall and watch as his dad leaps out of the stands, puts his arm around his fallen son, and says, “We’re going to sweep that ice together, son!”

In short, I want drama.

It might be a bit late for this year, but there are a good four years to start transforming Curling.

In the name of the Olympic Spirit, I say we do it.

Here’s to Curling 2018.

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8 replies

  1. LMAO!!!

  2. I didn’t see any curling this year! I love it! I would also love to see it highlighted! I know you’re being ironic, but I’m not!! I want to see curlers on my wheaties….

  3. Oh my God, this was the best laugh of the day – thank you!!!

  4. Reblogged this on Writing Elves and commented:

    Now that we are back at the Winter Olympics, I figured I’d repost my thoughts on that unsung ice sport, everybody’s favorite: Curling. Hope you enjoy it again.


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